anything

introvert: a person that does work while other people talk about it

I hate girls and girls hate me.

dualism: when your mind and your body are in disagreement

Here's what i've been wrestling with this last couple of days. So in spiritual circles, a lot of time is spent listening. But not just listening to anything. you don't listen to the noise around you. For example, what is on my errands list. it is internal and focused.

The more time that you spend in this community, you learn that you aren't supposed to listen to your mind. First time I heard this, i thought these people are a new kind of crazy. Don't they get that this is the organ of reason and logic, understand and comprehension, knowledge and common sense.

instead, they said that you are supposed to listen to your feelings. find out what that says, what your feelings say. you should listen and think and speak from the heart-feelings. use your heart-feelings to guide you to Jesus, cause that's where he lives. t

I rebelled. I said, you all can have your crazy 'i don't listen to my mind' and take it and shove it. it was one of the most ridiculous ideas i had heard of up to that time. and it really bothered me that it came from Christian circles. I thought, these people don't get it. They honestly have lost their minds and are following some hindu self-worship where they can think of up anything and it be 'divine'? (i have learned more about hindism (from Steven Colbert)).


but i found out that sometimes, this is sometimes true. i found that sometimes what was really true wasn't something that my concious self didn't want to accept. so now i take this idea into consideration, but with a good, generous dose of healthy skepticism.



so getting to the point of this story, i have been struggling with the idea of grace making us right(eous) before God. and i was telling a friend this, and the comment they (gender neutral) made to me was, 'hey man, you shouldn't listen to your feelings. cause they are from the devil cause he wants to trip you'. that's the abbreviated version

so now i am sent spinning. i was like, okay so let me get this straight.
1. don't listen to your mind, cause it will lie to you
2. listen to your 'feelings', cause that's where Jesus lives
3. don't listen to your feelings, cause they are from the devil.

this leaves me at-don't listen to your mind or feelings. okay, so what am i supposed to listen to? nature? the force that is behind these living things? so, hinduism. sure.

my conclusion: i think i need to go into some sort of exile. I need to leave these people that are 'guiding' me along some sort of path that they have found. i need to consult authority figures. not friends in the church-this includes some pastors. especially those without training. like recent ones. i have realized (not thought, felt) that recent ones are without much training and guidance themselves. they are just throw out some good phrases and try to line it up with the current theology. i'm talking about scholars. legit scholars. people who have spent entire lives, careers, and fortunes researching and experiencing truths.

possible avenues that i will explore

• apologetics - how it relates to other religions

• Biblical hermeneutics - intrepretation of the bible, with focus on current constraints of contemporary intrepretation

• Biblical Studies

• Biblical theology

• constructive theology - another name for systematic theology, with emphasis on post-modernism

• Natural theology

• Philosophical theology

• theological hermeneutics - study of the manner of the construction of theological formations

this weeks playlist =
authentic by LA symphony
Albany by Kev Brown
Chapter 1 by John Reuben
Let's Get Lifted by John Legend
Oh My God by Jars of Clay
Frail by Jars of Clay